Reflection on 2016

2016 was not a great year. Actually, there were times when it frankly sucked. You may have realised from my total shut down towards the end of the year. I turned off Facebook, removed Instagram. I was like a boat perilously taking on water. All unnecessary items were tossed overboard.

In 2017, I am pegging things back a notch. I have spent the past few weeks contemplating, reflecting and re-evaluating. I have been asking myself what I want to do with this new year, what is most important to me. I have been doing this by working on a personal mission statement (inspired by reading Katy Bowman’s Movement Matters book). This process challenges you to consider your core values by thinking what keywords epitomise you (it’s as if someone looks you up in the dictionary…what will they see as your definition?). Some people also call it legacy. I have written before on this blog about how I would like to be remembered.

So I will share some of my keywords with you. Relaxed. Improving. Silly. Mindful. Strong. Comfortable. Outdoors. But my top three are definitely these…..Love. Family. Health. I wanted to share these because I have decided 2017 is only about these three things. I am keeping it simple. These words will drive my decisions and my activities. If it doesn’t somehow fit within these three core values, it’s out. And, I am afraid, some of the time, that means this blog will be out too. It takes a lot of my time to just focus on and appropriately give service to these three foundational parts of me. What remaining time/energy I have to give will sometimes make it to this blog/page. But oftentimes I will be experiencing and savoring in my love, family and health.  

Love. When I think about values this is always the first thing that pops into my head. I love to love (I am a Leo – a people person!). It is partly about me doing the things I love to do but mainly about fully loving those people in my life. Being with them, honouring them, supporting them and just squeezing the heck out of them.  What I often neglect or ignore is self-love. Yep, that’s a tough one. And I don’t just think this is me. We all struggle to acknowledge and appreciate who we are and what we do. But in 2017, I plan to learn to love myself. I am going to start shouting out my awesomeness… to whomever will hear. I will love all of me. My imperceptions, my mistakes…without judgement – which means without my default reaction of mentally bashing myself up. NO more. I think this might be easy to say but it is my intention and I have shared it with you all now, so feel free to call me on it. I have some good friends who will do that don’t worry (they often do when I verbalise my mistakes or shortcomings).  

Family. I love my family (and yes, you friends out there, you all get wrapped up in this core value). That husband and kids of mine mean everything to me. We are a strong family unit and we love each other unconditionally. But like most families, unconditional love does not exclude misunderstandings, fighting, and sometimes feeling like you could strangle them. As I am sure all of you parents out there will know, raising little people can be hard work. Yes, we know, it is rewarding, you wouldn’t change it for a second but…it does require a lot of mental and physical energy….and a whole heap of patience! But I am willing to put in these hard yards. They are worth it.

Health. To effectively manage my pain, I need to do a lot of stuff! I need to meditate, stretch, keep moving, pace my daily activities and fuel my body in the ways that work for me. The time it takes to do this stuff adds up! In a day, it might mean and hour or two (if I am to do it properly!). It’s a big commitment but I do it. I do it because it works. I do it because it helps and it makes me feel good. I do it because it reduces the intensity and frequency of my pain, especially flare ups. I am stronger, happier and more able to cope when I do these things. And when I don’t do it – well, the reverse. I hurt. I ache and I feel like I can’t cope. And when I get like that my decision-making skills, my communication skills, my overall personality suffers. And to fully honour my first two values, I need to ensure this one gets its good measure too.

So in closing, I may not be around much this year. I am going to be busy strengthening the foundations. I am doing the things that matter to me. And a massive step towards my intention of self love is to know and truly believe that is enough. I am enough.

Be kind to yourself and live the life you want.

You have control.

Change… It’s in you.

…and go shout our your awesomeness to whomever will listen.

Three key lessons I learnt from taking a break

I have always placed some very high expectations on myself. When I began Take Hold of Pain (THoP), I had grand dreams. After spending so many years struggling and suffering with chronic pain, I was passionate about helping others avoid suffering. I often would model my dreams on what I saw other amazing wellness entrepreneurs doing online. I wanted to have that too. In my first year of developing the THoP project, I pursued speaking, writing, coaching, learning, teaching and podcasting. I usually only managed to find about half a day a week to work on all this stuff! So, it doesn’t take an Einstein to figure out, it was all a bit much. Add to that, I had some major changes and challenges on the homefront. Towards the end of last year, I felt a major crash was heading my way. The warning signs were there. I was neglecting my self-management strategies, pain was rising, I was often tired and unwell...I needed to stop. I needed to take some time out and focus on me. So, I stepped back and I put many things on hold including my business. This gave me some space to pause, look around and re-assess what I really wanted.

Taking this break, these past few months have taught me some important lessons.

#1. Knowing what makes me happy. Taking a break gave me the time and space to realise what I love doing. I love spending time with my family. I love preparing healthy meals and treats. I do love cleaning and de-cluttering (well, maybe not the actual process but definitely the results of my labours!). When I was working and trying to juggle my many roles, I was neglecting the things I loved doing. The messy, disorganised house led to the frazzled, overwhelmed and irritable mum. A lengthy to-do list replaced easy-going, spontaneous fun times I enjoyed with the kids. The lack of healthy food and snacks led to the return of packets and processed “easy” meals. All of these things led to a decline in my health and subsequently a decline in my overall mental wellbeing.

Being the fun mum makes me happy. I had become a busy stressed mum and let me tell you, she’s no fun at all. She gets angry at little things. She yells. The fun mum takes the time to walk in the rain, dance around to daggy 90s music, to potter in the garden or just take a cuppa into the sunshine. She’s the one I like and she’s the one my family needs. Knowing what makes me happy has made it easier to prioritise. I want to do many things but the important ones, those that come first, are those that make me happy.

#2. It’s ok to go slow. When deciding to take a break, I did some soul searching. Who was I doing this for? Was I trying to prove something? I knew I wanted to help others experiencing pain and health challenges but I wasn’t willing to do it at the expense of my own. I needed to put my own health and that of my family first.  I was really worried that taking a break would be considered unprofessional. I was scared of loosing those few followers with whom I had started to build a connection. Despite being unsure I also knew I needed to refine my workload. I had too much on my plate and some things had to go. But I learnt that it’s ok to do that. It’s ok to put myself first. In fact, sometimes, it’s necessary, especially when you have to live with chronic pain. If you don’t, if you continually put others first or chase that big career goal or whatever it might be, things can get worse. And I have been down in that hole (see my blog on darkest days). I am not going back there.

Everyone’s journey is different. When we compare to others, we convince ourselves their life is easy, a clear path to the top without problems. In reality, most people have a tough slog. I think I convince myself that other people have had these overnight successes. People who are successful, fulfilled, have optimum health or happy usually had a hard slog to get to that place. It would have involved countless hours of self exploration, refinement and experiences and yes, I am sure they have had their failures along the way too. It was more likely a slow progression, interspersed with a few setbacks. Most importantly was how they responded to those set backs. Asking themselves “How will I go on? How will I manage? What have I learnt do differently?” So this led me to ask myself, if I let go of all that comparison and accepted where I am on my own journey right now, if I focused on where I am today, then the important question, for me, is...what do I need to do today that helps me achieve my goals and aligns with what is important to me? And if the answer is, do nothing, then that’s ok. Tomorrow the answer might be different but I need to just focus on what is important right now.

Going slow is also a concept I am passionate about because, in essence, this is what pacing is all about. I love pacing. I love how it can get you started on your goals, it can get you through simple daily tasks and it can help minimise flare ups and prevent overdoing it. Don’t worry, I will talk more about pacing soon because...well (spoiler alert) I am writing a book all about it!

#3. Celebrate where you are. I have come a long way from the crying mess on the floor 7 years ago. Then, I was depressed, withdrawn and without hope. These days, I am more mindful, I don’t dwell on unhelpful thoughts (well, rarely!) and I don’t let these thoughts snowball out of control. I have a busy life with two young kids aged 8 and 4 and a husband who runs his own business. I volunteer at school, I bake and cook many things from scratch using wholefoods, I also teach and share my story with others. Hey, I think I need to cut myself a break. I do plenty. I am enough. Why is it always so tough for us to recognise and acknowledge that we are enough? We are all doing a good job. We don’t need to always be striving and searching and wanting more. Here and now is fine.

As a part of all this, I think taking a break also made me become more aware of what I can do and what I cannot do. I have learnt to negotiate that fine line between managing and falling in a heap - my tipping point. So as a result, recently I wrote up my 2016 goals and plans for my THoP project and then compared this with my current commitments (working part time for the family business, my volunteer commitments, the family sporting and leisure schedules) and guess what, they don’t align. I know that too much pressure would result from trying to achieve these two parts of my life. I have a daughter in her last year before school, I need to cherish and nurture her this year. I have a son bravely figuring out who he is and where he fits into the world. I want to be there for them and be that fun mum. I need to be realistic. So this year, there won’t be that much coming from me. I want to enjoy my family time and when there is space and time, I want to write and teach and continue sharing my story. But, I need to go slow, look after myself and enjoy the ride.

Here are my lovelies, these are the ones who make me happy.
I love this photo too because you can tell here, I am the fun mum!

 

 

 

 

Taking a short break....

I haven’t been keeping up with my blogging schedule at all. One of my previous posts was about balance and, to be honest, I am still struggling. I want to do everything but I have limited time and energy. I need to focus on my two main priorities.. and these are my own pain management commitments and my family. Here is why. For the past few months, I have been on a pretty good routine first thing in the morning. I wake up and do a body scan meditation and my stretches/exercises before the kids get up. Well....we have just welcomed a new puppy into our household and it’s like we have a new baby all over again. So that has changed how this routine has been working. I am adapting it as we go to accommodate him as he is learning to be an inside dog! He will be a good helper in motivating me to do my daily walks too but that is once he learns how to walk on a lead without pulling my arm off! I have been taking on too many commitments and my body is giving me some subtle (and not so subtle) signs that I need to slow down a little. It’s taken me such a long time to develop this self awareness so I dare not listen. Without going into too much detail, I feel I need to be more accessible to my family at the moment. My eldest is going through a trying stage, figuring out a sense of her authentic self. To ensure I am giving her all the love and support she needs, I want to be as available as I can. We are a strong family unit of 4 (oops sorry, 5 now with the dog!) and I am dedicated to giving to them all I can to support, love and nurture them through this time. A while back someone suggested a good method for determining priorities in life is to imagine what you would like people to say about you in a eulogy. And it’s not morbid. It’s actually a calming and centring thought. And high on my list is that my kids would say I was a good mum. Simple as that. The problem is, after these two priorities, I am really enthusiastic and committed to this new business I have started. I want to help other people with chronic pain realise they do not have to suffer. They can avoid the years of suffering I experienced if they had a little education about the things that work...and if they are willing to take on some responsibility. But my time is precious and I need to ensure I have my priorities right. I want to manage my pain and be there for my family. So I am going to need to be slightly less active for the next little while with my blogging and updates. I am not going to totally disappear and I have planned a few guest posts over the next little while to continue to inform and inspire. So, I hope you can understand and please stay with me. I need you too... so please, don’t disappear. I’ll be back. Gentle virtual hugs to you all. XX