Focus where you want to go

**I had such an amazing response to this post on Facebook the other day, that I thought I better share it here too **

When I was learning to drive, I remember clearly the instructor telling me to look where I wanted to go. I know that sounds obvious but he explained that often, if you look at an obstacle (e.g. the gutter) you're likely to hit it. The message is even more powerful when my instructor told me about fatalities. He said that in the split second you have to make a life altering decision, people often look at the thing they want to avoid. Imagine, high speed, losing control, you are looking ahead and trying to figure out what to do and you think "Oh my God, I don't want to hit that tree!" ....SMASH. 

It's the same when you are living with chronic pain. All too often, I was focusing on the pain and I was worried things would get worse. My thoughts were locked in an uncertain future. I was focusing on the place I didn't want to be. No one wants to get stuck in a cycle of increasing pain and suffering. But that's where I ended up. I became trapped in a state of hopelessness and despair. I was afraid to exercise because I was always dreading more pain. I withdrew from loved ones because I was afraid they would stop loving me. I didn't realise how my negative thoughts had become my reality because I was continually focusing on the place I didn't want to go.

So, be honest with yourself.
What are you looking at?
Where are you focusing?
Are you going to get there?
.....Maybe.

Please, calmly put your eyes back on the road. Look at your destination as a state of optimal health. Figure out what that looks like for you and focus on it. Look at what you can do and where you want to be.

Then...

You WILL get THERE.

Chronic pain patient writes a letter to her GP

Dear Doctor,

Please find below some suggested principles upon which our relationship could be based:

Communication/goals: The giving and sharing of information. Let’s work as a team. Together, we can go on a journey which includes communicating, listening and doing all within our power to achieve a common goal. While this goal might be different for each patient you have, surely an over aching goal for all patients is to have an optimum level of health. Let us both be clear. I know you may not be able to take my pain away but I want us both to work towards optimising health.

Solutions-focused: I want a sustainable, long term solution. There are many options available to manage chronic pain and I want us to work through these together. When an option is not working, for example the long term use of pain medications, we need to find an alternative, which may include a non-pharmaceutical approach.  I would like all options to be considerate of the end goal (optimising wellness) and therefore we need to consider lifestyle factors, side effects and not focus solely on masking symptoms.

Shared empathy: A good relationship is built on each member of the party having a good understanding of what the other member is going through. We can both actively attempt to put ourselves in the others shoes. For you, this might mean finding the underlying problem behind the symptoms presented. I understand you may never have personally experienced chronic pain. Please, go ahead and use a little imagination or rely on the many other patient experiences you have been presented with. I want to be heard and understood. And often it is the real and debilitating impact of my symptoms that I would like you to understand. For example, constant tiredness may be a symptom but imagine the impact of that on your lifestyle...disconnection from social engagements and family commitments, isolation, guilt and a lack of purpose or sense of helplessness. For me as the patient, empathy might mean walking into our consultation with a realistic perspective of your background and experience. I realise that you are taught to know a little about a lot of conditions and you cannot be expected to know everything. I also appreciate you are time strapped and under pressure to see patients for a very limited time.

Team work: This is where I believe a really good team operates most effectively. All parties feel empowered and work together without a feeling of being told what to do or following along without the option for input and involvement. I would hope that you can give me adequate information about options for self management.  I realise that you may be able to assist with some of the physical pain but much of the responsibility to manage the additional suffering (emotional, stress and lifestyle factors) comes from responsible choices I need to make.  I want you to support and encourage me to make those choices.

Finally, this is NOT what I would like our relationship to be:

• Half an ear listening to my story, a quick scribble on your prescription pad and a gentle shove out the door without a second thought.
• A sense that my story is not being believed or understood.
• Me submitting all my power to you to take my pain away and/or find me a miracle cure (because I know this is unrealistic and unfair to our relationship).

So that said, let’s get moving....

 I would love to know your thoughts and experiences...Just so you know, I wrote this blogpost based on a recent request by Chronic Pain Australia for feedback for doctors from consumers living with chronic pain. Many of the responses were negative towards GPs and their lack of understanding.  I was inspired to write this based on my positive relationship with my own GP. He helped me to become my own health champion and self manage my chronic pain. Without his insight and understanding (and without his life-changing referral to a self pain management clinic), I would never have reached the levels of health and wellbeing I have today. So I would like to say a big "Thank You" to him. You know who you are!