Balance seemed like a good topic for this blog. I was talking
with my daughter recently about healthy food choices. She is learning this at
school (and, don’t worry, this will be a whole separate blogpost about this issue
in itself!). She asked me what I thought was the most important thing to learn
about food. I took a while to answer her. I needed to tread carefully. At seven,
she is at that precious age where impressionable meets potentially detrimental. I responded with a single word: balance. There is no need to be too strict
or too relaxed. Give your body what it needs and occasionally what it wants.
But I wanted to be clear to her that it is about balance.
In every moment we have a choice and balance is about the
choices we make. There is the choice between doing what is easy (in the moment)
and what is right. This is the terminology used in a book I read recently
called “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod. In terms of self managing chronic pain, it is
choosing to do something other than what I know is the right thing for managing
my pain. For example:
Right: Being mindfully aware of my movements as I engage in
daily activities and stopping when I need to, being aware of pacing. Easy:
Acting on auto-pilot and powering through to ensure jobs get done.
Right: Spending the time to prepare a healthy,
nutrient-dense meal. Easy: grabbing some quick packaged food or eating
something I know is not good for me but is quick to prepare (i.e. a sandwich).
Right: Meditation practice, being aware of thoughts,
emotions and physical sensations. Easy: Skipping it, falling asleep, watching
TV and zoning out.
Right: Doing exercise that strengthens my muscles and/or
increases flexibility. Easy: Making excuses or putting it off.
Balance and choice also comes down to making a strong
decision to put the long term gain before
a short term benefit. What do I truly want in this moment? Will my decision be
in alignment with what I truly believe in? Do I want to spend quality time with
my children? Am I craving something sweet like chocolate? Do I want to sleep?
It is sometimes difficult, in the present moment, to choose the option that
will result in a long term gain. And here is where I feel I need to just be
really annoying and to start contradicting myself. I am also certain that when
managing pain, we need to be gentle with ourselves. We all make mistakes; we
all have days when we just don’t feel like it. So, although it sounds
contradictory, I also believe balance means being gentle. Make allowances and
don’t beat yourself up over mistakes. Some days you will need to take the easy
option. If it is only, every now and again, that is fine.
Having said that, I think there is a concept here which
might be relevant. It is learned
helplessness. I have been on this ride for 20 years. The choice to do what
is easy and to subsequently block my feelings of pain had become an ingrained
habit. Old habits die hard. I am getting
much better at making those strong choices on a moment by moment basis. What is
even more interesting is that each time I do make those new connections, my
brain is getting stronger. The brain can change and so those old habits, over
time, will die and new habits can begin to flourish.
The problem is, when things get out of balance, they crash.
I have experienced this and I am sure you have too. You may teeter at a tipping
point for a while but, sooner or later, if things remain out of balance, a
crash will come. With chronic pain, the crash can be big and difficult to
recover from. Even as I write this, I am struck down with a bad cold. With my
balance at a precarious tipping point, my immune system is compromised and I
have become run down.
So I want to provide a few small tips to help you maintain
(or at least become aware) of balance. I am sure by now you realise, I am not
perfect and I am still figuring this all out but I hope some of these comments
help. Please, by all means, get in touch with me, leave comments below. If you
have some ideas for helping maintain balance then please share. Your ideas
might just help someone avoid their own tipping point.
It is okay to say NO. Even though I know I am not
very good at following this bit of advice, I do know that you cannot please
everyone. People can often put pressure on you to do things, to be involved, to
help them. Just be honest and say
something like “I would love to help but that is a bit beyond my capabilities
at this time”. I am sure people would prefer your honesty rather than trying
and failing or pulling out at the last minute. Be realistic with your time. Ask yourself how
long will this task take? How much “available” time do I really have? This is
definitely an area where I struggle because I quickly forget how much time it
takes to do the tasks I am already committed to.
Question your tasks list. I heard on a podcast
recently a tip from a book about decluttering. You only need ask one question: does
this thing bring me joy? If the answer is no then it goes. In a similar way,
you can declutter your to-do list. Start by asking, does it align with my core
values? Will it help me achieve my goals? Is it important to me? Is it urgent? There
is a sign up near my washing machine that says simply “Does this task really
need to be done right now?” It is to help me remember pacing and to make me
stop and question if I could be spending my time more wisely. So, look at the
jobs you need to do and prioritise them – important and aligning with your
goals first, urgent afterwards. This is
based on a concept in the book "7 habits of highly effective people" by Stephen
R. Covey
Sound it out with someone. I am very lucky to have a
husband who is always happy to have me bounce ideas off him. We will often have
a good conversation (often after the kids are in bed) about what we both having
coming up. He is protective by nature and is quite quick to challenge whether I
am overdoing it. So if you are feeling a bit stuck or overwhelmed or concerned
your balance is at tipping point, talk it over with someone you trust, ask for
advice or help.
Breathe and acknowledge, you are enough. This is
difficult for me, probably for everyone. We think we need to be superhuman and
hit all these massive items on our to-do list. But deep down, we are all
struggling with something; we are all feeling a bit like we don’t quite measure
up. How about dropping the standard for a while? How about acknowledging what
we have achieved and cutting ourselves a break. You are enough.
Lastly I just wanted to let you know what I have been up to. Some of my recent commitments have been to local projects. I am teaching local “how to self-manage chronic pain” courses. I am organising a National Pain Week event with a range of guest speakers all about self management. But I really wanted to tell you about the lovely group I have helped to establish...The Wellness Support Group. We are a locally based, peer-run support group but we focus on lifestyle solutions to pain. This is no pity party! We are active, solutions focused and really positive in our attitude and our relationships. If this sounds like something you want to know more about, I am happy to help people establish their own local groups. I can explain how we went about it and even provide a copy of our “draft mission statement” which outlines who we are and what we do. It’s just a great bunch of people supporting each in a relaxed environment. Please feel free to email me if you want more information on this.
Until next time, stay balanced. X.
www.healthchampionsinaction.com
