One of my biggest concerns when I undertook my pain
management course was the fear of failure. What if I can’t do this? What if I can’t
change my automatic thoughts/behaviours from continuing to surface? What if old
habits really do die hard? What if I keep choosing rest over activity? What if
I give in to old food cravings and loose the discipline? While I was super
motivated to change (I didn’t want to keep going the way I was and I was
desperate to prevent any more darkest
days). I was also really scared I wouldn’t be strong enough to commit.
That’s a lot of fear and worry about the future. A future
that may not even occur. And while I was wasting all that time fearing my
possible failure, what was I doing in the present moment? Nothing. Procrastinating
and not taking action. Don’t let a fear of failure hold you back from starting
something new. By the end of my course, I had realised that I was just wasting
time worrying. This time could be spent taking action. So my new motto
became...Just Do It (sorry Nike but it is a good, motivating mantra!) So the
next time I had a worrying thought that “If I go for a walk, it might just flare
my pain further”, I stopped. Took a breath and said to myself “Come on, just do
it! Because there is only one way to find out!” And, of course, I soon learnt
that getting outside and going for a walk made me feel much better. I was using
pacing and mindfulness and daily regular exercise, so I wasn’t overdoing it. I was
slowly strengthening and improving my fitness and flexibility.
There can be a problematic self prophesising which can
happen when we are afraid. For example, the fear of increasing pain may trigger
the stress response. We are hardwired for this fight or flight response and
when it kicks in we have a rush of hormones and a quick conversion to the
sympathetic nervous system. We are now ready to run or fight for our lives. In
this mode, we do not need non-essential body functions like the immune system,
digestion system. You can read more about it here. But if we have
caused this response to fire, guess what happens to our pain? It can increase
because the regulatory systems that can sometimes control (or at least mask) pain
have been switched off. And so then what happens? You have pain and you say “See, I told you so!”
(refer to an excellent book by Dr Lissa Rankin, Mind over Medicine).
I am often motivated to do (or not do) something from fear.
Fear of failure, fear of hurting someone’s feelings, fear of not being liked,
fear of pain, and fear of being vulnerable. For me, overcoming this fear has been a
critical component on my self pain management journey. So here is my 3 step
process to overcoming fear. For the purposes of this, we will use the example
that fear is holding you back from changing a habit. For example, we will say
you are afraid to start a new exercise program.
Identify.
You need to be pretty honest with yourself, if you are to
identify the factors that hold you back from making a change/commitment. You
might hear yourself saying things such as “I’m afraid I will injure myself and
cause more problems” or “I’m afraid I can’t commit to doing anything properly”.
So the fear may be resulting from past experiences and long held beliefs about
yourself and your capabilities. These can be based around INJURY and FAILURE. For
me, I would often flare my pain after playing netball when I was younger. I had
to give it up in the end because of the way I approached the game (no warm up
and relentlessly throwing my body around). You can read more about that
decision here.
After this, my fear morphed into “If I do any
exercise it will flare up my back. This was a totally untrue statement but
based on my prior experience and my deep desire to avoid pain, this became my reality.
A fear of failure will result in you never starting something new. I have now
figured out that by starting small and pacing up activities (read more about
pacing here),
I realised it is possible and achievable to get moving again. This approach also means you are less likely to fail because small increments are based on your current capabilities. Also, once you do
start to move and get stronger, more flexible, you gain confidence and your
motivation increases and you just, well, keep going. To identify fear as a motivator you need to be self aware and truthful with yourself.
Investigate.
We always immediately block or run from fear (that’s the fight
or flight response kicking in). But it can be very helpful to confront your
fears. In fact, don't just confront them, invite them in for a cuppa and get to know them better. What are these fears based on? Are they realistic? Is this something you have
always just told yourself? Does it have grounding in fact/reality? Could this fear
be a result of cultural/society influences? A question that I often use to
investigate my fears can be as simple as “Is this true?” If the answer could be
no, then I look at some of the alternatives. So using the fear of exercise example,
is it true I will injury myself? No, not if I undertake the activity in the
correct way and this may lead to me enjoying it, continually improving with a
long term benefit of increased strength/flexibility. Such investigative
thinking can be like drawing up a list of pros and cons. What are the reasons for
doing something and what is holding me back? If it is fear holding you back,
then you need to work through it, question it and make a strong choice based on
these pros/cons.
Challenge.
You may have seen various challenges online. For example, loose
weight in 6b weeks or a 10 week improve your love life challenge. Do you know
why these work? If you give yourself a challenge and you stick to it, the
chances are you may have come close to kicking a bad habit. By replacing a
habit with a more helpful one (even though you were initially scared to try it)
you will be achieving a massive milestone and motivating force to continue. And you will see
the benefits too. But don't be afraid to get some help! Maybe make your
commitment to overcoming fear accountable by telling a friend or loved one you
are going to try something new. Maybe even just the discussion about the fact
you are scared will be enough to get you up off the couch and into something new.
An you know what, if we were all honest with each other, there is probably
heaps of things we do/don’t do a result a result of fear. So, you may just get
an interesting response from a friend...”Really? Me too!”.
I would love to know your thoughts? Are you sometimes held
back by fear? With regards to your pain, what are you most afraid of? Is it
true/realistic/likely? How do you overcome fear?
Here are some motivational quotes and interesting reads
based on fear/excuses.
Don’t let a fear of failure hold you back from starting.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky
"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt
anything?" Vincent van Gogh
Do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears
are born of fatigue and loneliness. – Desiderata by Max Ehrman
Some additional good references about fear and its impact:
