Top 6 tips for beginning meditation – lessons from my cushion

When we set an intention to begin meditation, it can be a bit daunting. Am I doing it right? I am thinking too much? Can I move or must I sit still? How long is long enough? I often would put off meditation practice because I was afraid I wasn’t doing it “right”. Well, I am here to help because there is no right or wrong way. Mediation is about connecting to your body and about observing. I have put together a few tips to help you get started based on my own experiences.

1. Commit to sit. Meditation is a practice. You cannot expect to sit for an hour with existential bliss. Sorry. It is something that needs to be cultivated and this can only come from practice. Daily repetition. Start by deciding on a time that suits you. A time when you are unlikely to be disturbed. I have two young children and they can disturb anytime so I understand if this is something that might put you off. But there is always a time. I have recently been getting up an hour earlier so I can have some undisturbed time to start my day with a body scan. Avoid other distractions too by switching off your phone or moving to a quiet space in your home. Like all things, start small. The length of time is not as important as the consistency. Perhaps you might like to start with 5 minutes of quietness. You can always build up from there. Then, schedule it, set reminders, whatever you need to do but keep at it, everyday. Every time you practice you will build some meditation muscles and feel like, over time, you are getting the hang of it.

2. Diverted Interest. I used to think “I cannot meditate because I am too distracted” I have shiny things syndrome and my mind is often scattering from one thing to the next. In Buddhism they call it the monkey mind. Imagine a monkey in a cage scampering around – always on the move. That is a common state of mind for many of us. This is NOT a reason to not begin. The trick comes by firstly, not seeing thoughts and distractions as a failure. To achieve this, I recently flipped my thinking to be more helpful and compassionate. It was with thanks to Sona Fricker at Breathworks. On my recent retreat, he said that your mind will wander during meditation. The reason it wanders is because it has found something more interesting. This seems a much kinder way of putting it than to berate myself for being distracted. Now, I just become aware whenever possible of my diverted interest, and rather than get annoyed, I gentle escort my thoughts and attention back to my breath. And the great thing is, each time I become aware of diverted interest, is a moment of success in my mindfulness practice. I am observing my thoughts.

3. Posture: There are no hard and fast rules about this. I always envisioned that supple monk, cross-legged, sitting calmly on a hard floor, yet looking totally relaxed. When I started, I twitched and got uncomfortable and wanted to move and felt all tense and stiff. Then I discovered posture is totally individual. The important thing is to be comfortable. When you have chronic pain, this can be troublesome. Sitting for long periods was always a thing to make my pain intensify. So you can use pacing techniques to assist in getting used to the right posture. Don’t begin sitting for an hour, just sit for as long as you can manage. And don’t be afraid to alter your position. You can also begin to use your mindfulness practice to observe any pain or discomfort as you are sitting. It is important to be well-supported and if sitting, ensure your knees are below you hips. I always struggled with sitting cross-legged because of my fused spine and stiff joints. Solution: often I will lie down to meditate or I have found sitting in a chair can be easier. So, try a few different postures and don’t feel like you HAVE TO do it this way or that way. Just find whatever position is most suitable for you at the time.

4. Let it go. I often had some form of expectation or result from my meditation but I have learnt that this is exactly what I need to let go. My problem was often going into a formal meditation practice feeling relaxed and then coming out stressed! Why? Because I would beat myself up about my “mistakes”. Each time my interest went elsewhere (see – even now I have stopped saying distracted!), I got annoyed. Each time I felt stiff or sore, I was annoyed. Each time I stopped before my pre-determined time, I was annoyed. Add to that, the mental chatter that I felt I would never be able to control.  The scattered and random thoughts – even though I was taking notice of them, still seemed to annoy me. Mindfulness is all about observing without judgement. Any physical sensation, thought or emotion that comes along is absolutely fine. Just observe it –do not then assign judgment (good or bad) or place too much emphasis on it. Just keep observing or return your focus to your breath if this is possible for you.  Here it may also be useful for you to label any thoughts or feelings, for example, “I am having the thought that I am hungry” or “I feel a slight twitch in my eye”.

5. Keep at it. How do athletes get to the elite level? How do musicians become ready for a big performance? Practice. Do not think you will sit for an hour completely distraction free right from the word go. Practice is key. Keep coming back, time and again. Even within a meditation session. You may need to remind yourself a few times, maybe many times. Each time you return to your attention or to your formal practice, you are building up the neural pathways that will strengthen your awareness abilities. You are building mental muscles each time you sit, so keep at it.

6. Get help. I have included some books below that were really helpful for me. I have also attended some meditation workshops and retreats. If you want to get started but are unsure, there are so many resources out there. I also found sometimes at the beginning I was struggling with extended silences. I think this is pretty normal. In our fast paced world, we find it hard to unplug. We are so used to “doing” and rarely just “being”. But I have found a good success from using guided meditations. Initially, I thought this was a sign of failure but getting a guide and starting with some help means you can introduce the concepts and ideas slowly. I have found it really useful.

So, to finish off, why not just give it a go, stop right now and just take some slow, breathes with awareness – hey, you are meditating! Best of luck, please let me know any stories, experiences, tips or tricks that you have.

Wherever You Go, There You Are
You Are Not Your Pain: Using Mindfulness to Relieve Pain, Reduce Stress, and Restore Well-Being---An Eight-Week Program
Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children: Becoming a Mindful Parent

Is FEAR holding you back? A 3 step process to overcome fear.

One of my biggest concerns when I undertook my pain management course was the fear of failure. What if I can’t do this? What if I can’t change my automatic thoughts/behaviours from continuing to surface? What if old habits really do die hard? What if I keep choosing rest over activity? What if I give in to old food cravings and loose the discipline? While I was super motivated to change (I didn’t want to keep going the way I was and I was desperate to prevent any more darkest days). I was also really scared I wouldn’t be strong enough to commit.

That’s a lot of fear and worry about the future. A future that may not even occur. And while I was wasting all that time fearing my possible failure, what was I doing in the present moment? Nothing. Procrastinating and not taking action. Don’t let a fear of failure hold you back from starting something new. By the end of my course, I had realised that I was just wasting time worrying. This time could be spent taking action. So my new motto became...Just Do It (sorry Nike but it is a good, motivating mantra!) So the next time I had a worrying thought that “If I go for a walk, it might just flare my pain further”, I stopped. Took a breath and said to myself “Come on, just do it! Because there is only one way to find out!” And, of course, I soon learnt that getting outside and going for a walk made me feel much better. I was using pacing and mindfulness and daily regular exercise, so I wasn’t overdoing it. I was slowly strengthening and improving my fitness and flexibility.

There can be a problematic self prophesising which can happen when we are afraid. For example, the fear of increasing pain may trigger the stress response. We are hardwired for this fight or flight response and when it kicks in we have a rush of hormones and a quick conversion to the sympathetic nervous system. We are now ready to run or fight for our lives. In this mode, we do not need non-essential body functions like the immune system, digestion system. You can read more about it here. But if we have caused this response to fire, guess what happens to our pain? It can increase because the regulatory systems that can sometimes control (or at least mask) pain have been switched off. And so then what happens? You have pain and you say “See, I told you so!” (refer to an excellent book by Dr Lissa Rankin, Mind over Medicine).

I am often motivated to do (or not do) something from fear. Fear of failure, fear of hurting someone’s feelings, fear of not being liked, fear of pain, and fear of being vulnerable.  For me, overcoming this fear has been a critical component on my self pain management journey. So here is my 3 step process to overcoming fear. For the purposes of this, we will use the example that fear is holding you back from changing a habit. For example, we will say you are afraid to start a new exercise program.

Identify.

You need to be pretty honest with yourself, if you are to identify the factors that hold you back from making a change/commitment. You might hear yourself saying things such as “I’m afraid I will injure myself and cause more problems” or “I’m afraid I can’t commit to doing anything properly”. So the fear may be resulting from past experiences and long held beliefs about yourself and your capabilities. These can be based around INJURY and FAILURE. For me, I would often flare my pain after playing netball when I was younger. I had to give it up in the end because of the way I approached the game (no warm up and relentlessly throwing my body around). You can read more about that decision here. After this, my fear morphed into “If I do any exercise it will flare up my back. This was a totally untrue statement but based on my prior experience and my deep desire to avoid pain, this became my reality. A fear of failure will result in you never starting something new. I have now figured out that by starting small and pacing up activities (read more about pacing here), I realised it is possible and achievable to get moving again. This approach also means you are less likely to fail because small increments are based on your current capabilities. Also, once you do start to move and get stronger, more flexible, you gain confidence and your motivation increases and you just, well, keep going. To identify fear as a motivator you need to be self aware and truthful with yourself.

Investigate.

We always immediately block or run from fear (that’s the fight or flight response kicking in). But it can be very helpful to confront your fears. In fact, don't just confront them, invite them in for a cuppa and get to know them better. What are these fears based on? Are they realistic? Is this something you have always just told yourself? Does it have grounding in fact/reality? Could this fear be a result of cultural/society influences? A question that I often use to investigate my fears can be as simple as “Is this true?” If the answer could be no, then I look at some of the alternatives. So using the fear of exercise example, is it true I will injury myself? No, not if I undertake the activity in the correct way and this may lead to me enjoying it, continually improving with a long term benefit of increased strength/flexibility. Such investigative thinking can be like drawing up a list of pros and cons. What are the reasons for doing something and what is holding me back? If it is fear holding you back, then you need to work through it, question it and make a strong choice based on these pros/cons.

Challenge.

You may have seen various challenges online. For example, loose weight in 6b weeks or a 10 week improve your love life challenge. Do you know why these work? If you give yourself a challenge and you stick to it, the chances are you may have come close to kicking a bad habit. By replacing a habit with a more helpful one (even though you were initially scared to try it) you will be achieving a massive milestone and motivating force to continue. And you will see the benefits too. But don't be afraid to get some help! Maybe make your commitment to overcoming fear accountable by telling a friend or loved one you are going to try something new. Maybe even just the discussion about the fact you are scared will be enough to get you up off the couch and into something new. An you know what, if we were all honest with each other, there is probably heaps of things we do/don’t do a result a result of fear. So, you may just get an interesting response from a friend...”Really? Me too!”.

I would love to know your thoughts? Are you sometimes held back by fear? With regards to your pain, what are you most afraid of? Is it true/realistic/likely? How do you overcome fear?

Here are some motivational quotes and interesting reads based on fear/excuses.

Don’t let a fear of failure hold you back from starting.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky

"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" Vincent van Gogh

Do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. – Desiderata by Max Ehrman

 

Some additional good references about fear and its impact:

http://www.chronicpainandlife.com/blog/the-yeah-but

http://www.copyblogger.com/f-e-a-r/