Taking a short break....

I haven’t been keeping up with my blogging schedule at all. One of my previous posts was about balance and, to be honest, I am still struggling. I want to do everything but I have limited time and energy. I need to focus on my two main priorities.. and these are my own pain management commitments and my family. Here is why. For the past few months, I have been on a pretty good routine first thing in the morning. I wake up and do a body scan meditation and my stretches/exercises before the kids get up. Well....we have just welcomed a new puppy into our household and it’s like we have a new baby all over again. So that has changed how this routine has been working. I am adapting it as we go to accommodate him as he is learning to be an inside dog! He will be a good helper in motivating me to do my daily walks too but that is once he learns how to walk on a lead without pulling my arm off! I have been taking on too many commitments and my body is giving me some subtle (and not so subtle) signs that I need to slow down a little. It’s taken me such a long time to develop this self awareness so I dare not listen. Without going into too much detail, I feel I need to be more accessible to my family at the moment. My eldest is going through a trying stage, figuring out a sense of her authentic self. To ensure I am giving her all the love and support she needs, I want to be as available as I can. We are a strong family unit of 4 (oops sorry, 5 now with the dog!) and I am dedicated to giving to them all I can to support, love and nurture them through this time. A while back someone suggested a good method for determining priorities in life is to imagine what you would like people to say about you in a eulogy. And it’s not morbid. It’s actually a calming and centring thought. And high on my list is that my kids would say I was a good mum. Simple as that. The problem is, after these two priorities, I am really enthusiastic and committed to this new business I have started. I want to help other people with chronic pain realise they do not have to suffer. They can avoid the years of suffering I experienced if they had a little education about the things that work...and if they are willing to take on some responsibility. But my time is precious and I need to ensure I have my priorities right. I want to manage my pain and be there for my family. So I am going to need to be slightly less active for the next little while with my blogging and updates. I am not going to totally disappear and I have planned a few guest posts over the next little while to continue to inform and inspire. So, I hope you can understand and please stay with me. I need you too... so please, don’t disappear. I’ll be back. Gentle virtual hugs to you all. XX

When fun turns to not fun (pain)

A big challenge when you self manage chronic pain is knowing when to stop having fun! Imagine, you are really enjoying some task and getting into it. Bang! Before you realise, you are sore and tired and need to rest. Sound familiar? When fun turns to not fun (pain) you have overdone it. This may result in a pain flare up. If we can recognise when to stop with greater accuracy we can prevent flare up frequency.

As you may know I have been involved in #sugarfreeseptember. It’s a challenge to give up refined sugar for the entire month and involves posting a picture for each day based on a theme. Yesterday’s theme was fun. I was having a lot of it. So much fun, I forgot to take a photo. There was plenty of opportunity too. We had a very casual Sunday at home with the kids, in the garden, preparing garden beds, we went for a walk to the shops, the sun was shining. I cooked some delicious meals (pancakes for breakfast and chicken bone both with vegetables for lunch). I even made some chocolate nut balls for the sugarfree afternoon treat. But when dinner time came around, I was pooped. My pain had increased, I was starting to feel a little nauseated and I wanted to go to bed. Problem was I had two very wide awake kids, a mess in the kitchen and no dinner prepared. I think I got lost between fun and not fun.

How to know when to stop? I am (obviously) still grappling with this one. But here are a few hints and tips:

Timed tasks: Do you know how long this task will take? Before starting, I need to assess how long it will take to set up, complete and pack up a certain job. I also need to have an understanding of how much I have left in the tank. This would involve an assessment of how much I have already done in a day.  If I believe I can do it then I need to get the timer, pace out the activity with some short breaks (whatever I have deemed my “activity” timing to be) and stop when it’s done (and that does include time taken to tidy up or put tools/things away). If I forget this important step then I am likely to complete the task but with a mess left behind. This is the bit I always seem to forget but it can cause trouble for me because it will result in loading up extra emotions (guilt, inadequacy), requiring help or feeling of overwhelm. A timer (small kitchen timer or your smart phone) can be the best device for ensuing you complete a task, start to finish, with breaks and without overdoing it. Another thing I have realised, if my tasks does involve the kids, they need to be warned in advance the timing of the task. My kids often have more energy than me and they might be fine to kick the footy for hours on end but I can offer them only the time I have determined is suitable for ensuring I don’t cause a flare up.

Reality check questions: Here are a few reminder questions I can ask myself to ensure I am fully prepared to undertake or continue a task at any point in time. Does this really need to be done right now? This is not meant to be a question to fool yourself out of completing a task you do not like (no cheating!). I will often choose to do activities that I enjoy despite the fact that I probably don’t have the energy left to complete them to a good standard (i.e. finishing without the mess part). I am particularly susceptible in the kitchen. I will choose to start baking when I really don’t have the time or effort to complete it but I choose to because I want to eat that particular food or have a healthy option available for my family. Does this task align with my goals? This can be good for determining where my priorities are and how a given task might affect them. By choosing a task that may flare my pain I need to be aware of the impact it may have on my family (reduced time spent with them, requiring their help to clean my mess).

Communicate: Sometimes the difference between fun and not fun is a short break. Maybe you need to go do some stretches or have a quick sit down. If you are having fun with others (your family, in social situations, even in the workplace), don’t be afraid to communicate your needs in that moment. “Do you mind if we sit down to keep talking?” or “Can we come back to this in five minutes I just need to do some stretches”. This might be all it needs to prevent slipping beyond fun.

It’s OK to say no: If you have done a timing assessment and asked a few reality checks and you are not sure you can manage a task, don’t start. Perhaps it is better to put off than get started and realise you have overdone it. There is a very delicate balance between activity based goals (that is, saying you are going to complete an activity regardless of pain) and not overdoing it (completing a task at the risk of flaring pain). It’s a fine line and it differs from day to day. The only way you can get better at knowing when to stop is to be more aware and undertake tasks mindfully. And, I believe, the most important part of any job is a mindful beginning, deciding whether or not you should even start.

Acceptance: Again, I am always going to have to come back to this. Sometimes I just make really bad choices, I haven’t done the timing or the reality checks and I have pushed beyond fun. It is important I accept and act in these situations. Apologise if I need to. “I’m sorry I made a bad choice”. This is OK to say some of the time. I am getting better at this and it does not happen as frequently as it used to. I need to make stronger choices once I have realised my mistake but without layering on the additional emotional pain and judgement. That will only make the situation worse.

So, when you are having fun what do you do to ensure it doesn’t slide into “not fun”?