Top 6 tips for beginning meditation – lessons from my cushion

When we set an intention to begin meditation, it can be a bit daunting. Am I doing it right? I am thinking too much? Can I move or must I sit still? How long is long enough? I often would put off meditation practice because I was afraid I wasn’t doing it “right”. Well, I am here to help because there is no right or wrong way. Mediation is about connecting to your body and about observing. I have put together a few tips to help you get started based on my own experiences.

1. Commit to sit. Meditation is a practice. You cannot expect to sit for an hour with existential bliss. Sorry. It is something that needs to be cultivated and this can only come from practice. Daily repetition. Start by deciding on a time that suits you. A time when you are unlikely to be disturbed. I have two young children and they can disturb anytime so I understand if this is something that might put you off. But there is always a time. I have recently been getting up an hour earlier so I can have some undisturbed time to start my day with a body scan. Avoid other distractions too by switching off your phone or moving to a quiet space in your home. Like all things, start small. The length of time is not as important as the consistency. Perhaps you might like to start with 5 minutes of quietness. You can always build up from there. Then, schedule it, set reminders, whatever you need to do but keep at it, everyday. Every time you practice you will build some meditation muscles and feel like, over time, you are getting the hang of it.

2. Diverted Interest. I used to think “I cannot meditate because I am too distracted” I have shiny things syndrome and my mind is often scattering from one thing to the next. In Buddhism they call it the monkey mind. Imagine a monkey in a cage scampering around – always on the move. That is a common state of mind for many of us. This is NOT a reason to not begin. The trick comes by firstly, not seeing thoughts and distractions as a failure. To achieve this, I recently flipped my thinking to be more helpful and compassionate. It was with thanks to Sona Fricker at Breathworks. On my recent retreat, he said that your mind will wander during meditation. The reason it wanders is because it has found something more interesting. This seems a much kinder way of putting it than to berate myself for being distracted. Now, I just become aware whenever possible of my diverted interest, and rather than get annoyed, I gentle escort my thoughts and attention back to my breath. And the great thing is, each time I become aware of diverted interest, is a moment of success in my mindfulness practice. I am observing my thoughts.

3. Posture: There are no hard and fast rules about this. I always envisioned that supple monk, cross-legged, sitting calmly on a hard floor, yet looking totally relaxed. When I started, I twitched and got uncomfortable and wanted to move and felt all tense and stiff. Then I discovered posture is totally individual. The important thing is to be comfortable. When you have chronic pain, this can be troublesome. Sitting for long periods was always a thing to make my pain intensify. So you can use pacing techniques to assist in getting used to the right posture. Don’t begin sitting for an hour, just sit for as long as you can manage. And don’t be afraid to alter your position. You can also begin to use your mindfulness practice to observe any pain or discomfort as you are sitting. It is important to be well-supported and if sitting, ensure your knees are below you hips. I always struggled with sitting cross-legged because of my fused spine and stiff joints. Solution: often I will lie down to meditate or I have found sitting in a chair can be easier. So, try a few different postures and don’t feel like you HAVE TO do it this way or that way. Just find whatever position is most suitable for you at the time.

4. Let it go. I often had some form of expectation or result from my meditation but I have learnt that this is exactly what I need to let go. My problem was often going into a formal meditation practice feeling relaxed and then coming out stressed! Why? Because I would beat myself up about my “mistakes”. Each time my interest went elsewhere (see – even now I have stopped saying distracted!), I got annoyed. Each time I felt stiff or sore, I was annoyed. Each time I stopped before my pre-determined time, I was annoyed. Add to that, the mental chatter that I felt I would never be able to control.  The scattered and random thoughts – even though I was taking notice of them, still seemed to annoy me. Mindfulness is all about observing without judgement. Any physical sensation, thought or emotion that comes along is absolutely fine. Just observe it –do not then assign judgment (good or bad) or place too much emphasis on it. Just keep observing or return your focus to your breath if this is possible for you.  Here it may also be useful for you to label any thoughts or feelings, for example, “I am having the thought that I am hungry” or “I feel a slight twitch in my eye”.

5. Keep at it. How do athletes get to the elite level? How do musicians become ready for a big performance? Practice. Do not think you will sit for an hour completely distraction free right from the word go. Practice is key. Keep coming back, time and again. Even within a meditation session. You may need to remind yourself a few times, maybe many times. Each time you return to your attention or to your formal practice, you are building up the neural pathways that will strengthen your awareness abilities. You are building mental muscles each time you sit, so keep at it.

6. Get help. I have included some books below that were really helpful for me. I have also attended some meditation workshops and retreats. If you want to get started but are unsure, there are so many resources out there. I also found sometimes at the beginning I was struggling with extended silences. I think this is pretty normal. In our fast paced world, we find it hard to unplug. We are so used to “doing” and rarely just “being”. But I have found a good success from using guided meditations. Initially, I thought this was a sign of failure but getting a guide and starting with some help means you can introduce the concepts and ideas slowly. I have found it really useful.

So, to finish off, why not just give it a go, stop right now and just take some slow, breathes with awareness – hey, you are meditating! Best of luck, please let me know any stories, experiences, tips or tricks that you have.

Wherever You Go, There You Are
You Are Not Your Pain: Using Mindfulness to Relieve Pain, Reduce Stress, and Restore Well-Being---An Eight-Week Program
Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children: Becoming a Mindful Parent

Finding Balance

Hello dear web friends. Sorry I have been absent for a while. I’m feeling like I am over committed and I’m not hitting my targets! When I started this blog, it was my intention to post every two weeks. While I often think it would be nice to sit and write all day long and post more regularly, I am conscious of my other life commitments. My family, my home, my new fledgling business and, most importantly, to my own self management priorities – daily stretching, meditation, pacing activities. So as you can imagine, sometimes I have a bit of a struggle with balance.

Balance seemed like a good topic for this blog. I was talking with my daughter recently about healthy food choices. She is learning this at school (and, don’t worry, this will be a whole separate blogpost about this issue in itself!). She asked me what I thought was the most important thing to learn about food. I took a while to answer her. I needed to tread carefully. At seven, she is at that precious age where impressionable meets potentially detrimental. I responded with a single word: balance. There is no need to be too strict or too relaxed. Give your body what it needs and occasionally what it wants. But I wanted to be clear to her that it is about balance.

In every moment we have a choice and balance is about the choices we make. There is the choice between doing what is easy (in the moment) and what is right. This is the terminology used in a book I read recently called “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod.  In terms of self managing chronic pain, it is choosing to do something other than what I know is the right thing for managing my pain. For example:

Right: Being mindfully aware of my movements as I engage in daily activities and stopping when I need to, being aware of pacing. Easy: Acting on auto-pilot and powering through to ensure jobs get done.

Right: Spending the time to prepare a healthy, nutrient-dense meal. Easy: grabbing some quick packaged food or eating something I know is not good for me but is quick to prepare (i.e. a sandwich).

Right: Meditation practice, being aware of thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. Easy: Skipping it, falling asleep, watching TV and zoning out.

Right: Doing exercise that strengthens my muscles and/or increases flexibility. Easy: Making excuses or putting it off.

Balance and choice also comes down to making a strong decision to put  the long term gain before a short term benefit. What do I truly want in this moment? Will my decision be in alignment with what I truly believe in? Do I want to spend quality time with my children? Am I craving something sweet like chocolate? Do I want to sleep? It is sometimes difficult, in the present moment, to choose the option that will result in a long term gain. And here is where I feel I need to just be really annoying and to start contradicting myself. I am also certain that when managing pain, we need to be gentle with ourselves. We all make mistakes; we all have days when we just don’t feel like it. So, although it sounds contradictory, I also believe balance means being gentle. Make allowances and don’t beat yourself up over mistakes. Some days you will need to take the easy option. If it is only, every now and again, that is fine.

Having said that, I think there is a concept here which might be relevant. It is learned helplessness. I have been on this ride for 20 years. The choice to do what is easy and to subsequently block my feelings of pain had become an ingrained habit. Old habits die hard.  I am getting much better at making those strong choices on a moment by moment basis. What is even more interesting is that each time I do make those new connections, my brain is getting stronger. The brain can change and so those old habits, over time, will die and new habits can begin to flourish.

The problem is, when things get out of balance, they crash. I have experienced this and I am sure you have too. You may teeter at a tipping point for a while but, sooner or later, if things remain out of balance, a crash will come. With chronic pain, the crash can be big and difficult to recover from. Even as I write this, I am struck down with a bad cold. With my balance at a precarious tipping point, my immune system is compromised and I have become run down.
 

So I want to provide a few small tips to help you maintain (or at least become aware) of balance. I am sure by now you realise, I am not perfect and I am still figuring this all out but I hope some of these comments help. Please, by all means, get in touch with me, leave comments below. If you have some ideas for helping maintain balance then please share. Your ideas might just help someone avoid their own tipping point.

It is okay to say NO. Even though I know I am not very good at following this bit of advice, I do know that you cannot please everyone. People can often put pressure on you to do things, to be involved, to help them.  Just be honest and say something like “I would love to help but that is a bit beyond my capabilities at this time”. I am sure people would prefer your honesty rather than trying and failing or pulling out at the last minute.  Be realistic with your time. Ask yourself how long will this task take? How much “available” time do I really have? This is definitely an area where I struggle because I quickly forget how much time it takes to do the tasks I am already committed to.

Question your tasks list. I heard on a podcast recently a tip from a book about decluttering. You only need ask one question: does this thing bring me joy? If the answer is no then it goes. In a similar way, you can declutter your to-do list. Start by asking, does it align with my core values? Will it help me achieve my goals? Is it important to me? Is it urgent? There is a sign up near my washing machine that says simply “Does this task really need to be done right now?” It is to help me remember pacing and to make me stop and question if I could be spending my time more wisely. So, look at the jobs you need to do and prioritise them – important and aligning with your goals first, urgent afterwards.  This is based on a concept in the book "7 habits of highly effective people" by Stephen R. Covey

Sound it out with someone. I am very lucky to have a husband who is always happy to have me bounce ideas off him. We will often have a good conversation (often after the kids are in bed) about what we both having coming up. He is protective by nature and is quite quick to challenge whether I am overdoing it. So if you are feeling a bit stuck or overwhelmed or concerned your balance is at tipping point, talk it over with someone you trust, ask for advice or help.

Breathe and acknowledge, you are enough. This is difficult for me, probably for everyone. We think we need to be superhuman and hit all these massive items on our to-do list. But deep down, we are all struggling with something; we are all feeling a bit like we don’t quite measure up. How about dropping the standard for a while? How about acknowledging what we have achieved and cutting ourselves a break. You are enough.

Lastly I just wanted to let you know what I have been up to. Some of my recent commitments have been to local projects. I am teaching local “how to self-manage chronic pain” courses. I am organising a National Pain Week event with a range of guest speakers all about self management. But I really wanted to tell you about the lovely group I have helped to establish...The Wellness Support Group. We are a locally based, peer-run support group but we focus on lifestyle solutions to pain. This is no pity party! We are active, solutions focused and really positive in our attitude and our relationships. If this sounds like something you want to know more about, I am happy to help people establish their own local groups. I can explain how we went about it and even provide a copy of our “draft mission statement” which outlines who we are and what we do. It’s just a great bunch of people supporting each in a relaxed environment. Please feel free to email me if you want more information on this.

And, not so locally, if you have not had the chance yet, please check out my new podcast with Carole Staveley called Health Champions in Action. If you like what you hear, please leave us a rating in iTunes or follow along on our Facebook Page!  
 

Until next time, stay balanced. X.


www.healthchampionsinaction.com

Within My Control

I wrote this article for a recently published Guest Post on the website Counting my Spoons by Julie Ryan.
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Six years ago I attended a 3 week intensive hospital based pain management clinic. It changed my life! During this course,  I learnt that pain is just a sensation within my body. Oftentimes the real suffering came afterwards in the way I reacted to my pain. Therefore, I had a fair degree of control over my pain. This was a real revelation for me. For the past 20 years, I believed that my pain controlled me. I would push through, ignore my pain warning signs, over do it and suffer as a result. I didn’t want to be ruled by my pain. I wanted to be normal and do the things everyone else was doing. So I would just fight against my limitations. I never realised that some of these thoughts and behaviours were actually contributing to my pain and my own sense of helplessness. By mindfully controlling my reactions to pain, I had the power to reduce the severity and frequency of flare ups...So I bet you want to know more right?

Here are the TOP 5 actions for pain management that I can control:

1. Accept Pain: I learnt to accept pain. Chronic pain is a part of who I am. Since accepting pain, I have become attuned to what my body is telling me and I act accordingly. Without the resistance towards my pain (something that is beyond my control) I have the energy to focus on my response to the pain and on improving my general wellness (something that is within my control). I want to point out that I don’t think it is weak to accept pain. People who know me would confirm that I am hardly the type to lie down and just give in. I am actually taking the responsibility for my own actions and self managing my condition. That takes extreme strength and self-discipline. I have been told by many health professionals that there is nothing that can be done. This is something that will be with me for life and I have let go of the relentless (and exhausting) pursuit for a miracle cure. Such things rarely exist and will not happen overnight.  So that being the case, I might as well manage it in the best possible way, right? So accepting pain is not weak, it is the strong and responsible choice to a lifelong problem.

2. Pacing: I am much more aware of my own limitations. And rather than push through them, I work within my capabilities to ensure I do not over do it and cause a pain flare. This involves the key concept of pacing. Put simply, pacing is controlled activity with breaks. How do you know when to take a break? BEFORE pain occurs. This requires some investigation and observing. Once a baseline is determined (the level of activity you can manage before pain occurs) then you can mindfully work to just before that point then rest. This way you can gradually increase the length of time for each activity without causing additional pain. There are great resources available on pacing such as “You are not your pain” and “Manage your pain”. 

3. Mindset: Remember I referred to the additional suffering? For me, most of this came from my thoughts and reactions to pain. So essential, I made it worse than it needed to be. I would engage in unhelpful thoughts such as “I hate this pain!” “Nothing is working”, “I am such a hopeless person” etc. I am sure you have your own common automatic thoughts that surface when pain gets extreme. Trust me, I do know that these thoughts are hard to control. However, with practice and mindfulness I am now able to replace these with more helpful thoughts that reduce the suffering association with pain. “You can do this, you have done it before” “Pain is just a sensation of the body” “Breathe!” You can control your thoughts and so I challenge you, when pain is bothering you and distressing emotions appear, ask yourself “Is this way of thinking helpful?”

4. Movement: I can control how much I move. This seemed such a ridiculous thing to discover. But my previous exercise regime was haphazard at best. I was afraid movement would cause pain. But I was never really shown and taught safe and effective ways to move. At the pain clinic, we started small. We used the concept of pacing outlined above to work on some simple strength techniques and walking. My starting points were very low (maybe 1-2 repetitions of some exercises) but I increased these daily and before long I was achieving good amounts of movement with ease. The key is consistency and working within your limitations. It didn’t take long before I saw the benefits!

5. Health Eating: This has been a relatively recent thing for me...and unfortunately it is not something that was ever mentioned in my hospital based pain management course. It is rarely mentioned by doctors or in pain management books but nutrition was such a major part of my overall health and wellbeing. I think it’s crucial in the lifestyle approach I have been following.  I have been “bio-hacking” my diet for the past 18 months. This is an excellent term coined by Cyndi O’Meara, an inspirational Australian nutritionist. It’s about figuring out what works best for you and your body in terms of the foods that are best avoided and those that do a great job towards healing and energising! I have been exploring my relationship with a number of major food groups such as processed foods, refined sugar, wheat and grains, dairy and other inflammatory foods. But I have learnt that what I eat is another area I can control. My diet becomes another aspect where I can contribute to my energy and (subsequently) pain levels. 

So, that’s it. These are the most important things I learnt when I did my pain management course and this is the reason that I now so actively and passionate advocate for self managing chronic pain. There is such strength and power in taking things within your control and making the changes you can to optimise health. Take back some power and do not rely on anyone else.

If you are looking for that one person who will change your life, look in the mirror!

 

I have just compiled a FREE e-book explaining some of these concepts in more depth. I welcome you to visit my new website www.takeholdofpain.com where this ebook is available for download when you opt in to my mailing list. I would love your thoughts and feedback so please feel free to drop me a line mandy@takeholdofpain.com or on any of my social media pages.

 

Take care and remember, you have a lot more control over your pain than you might think! 

Is FEAR holding you back? A 3 step process to overcome fear.

One of my biggest concerns when I undertook my pain management course was the fear of failure. What if I can’t do this? What if I can’t change my automatic thoughts/behaviours from continuing to surface? What if old habits really do die hard? What if I keep choosing rest over activity? What if I give in to old food cravings and loose the discipline? While I was super motivated to change (I didn’t want to keep going the way I was and I was desperate to prevent any more darkest days). I was also really scared I wouldn’t be strong enough to commit.

That’s a lot of fear and worry about the future. A future that may not even occur. And while I was wasting all that time fearing my possible failure, what was I doing in the present moment? Nothing. Procrastinating and not taking action. Don’t let a fear of failure hold you back from starting something new. By the end of my course, I had realised that I was just wasting time worrying. This time could be spent taking action. So my new motto became...Just Do It (sorry Nike but it is a good, motivating mantra!) So the next time I had a worrying thought that “If I go for a walk, it might just flare my pain further”, I stopped. Took a breath and said to myself “Come on, just do it! Because there is only one way to find out!” And, of course, I soon learnt that getting outside and going for a walk made me feel much better. I was using pacing and mindfulness and daily regular exercise, so I wasn’t overdoing it. I was slowly strengthening and improving my fitness and flexibility.

There can be a problematic self prophesising which can happen when we are afraid. For example, the fear of increasing pain may trigger the stress response. We are hardwired for this fight or flight response and when it kicks in we have a rush of hormones and a quick conversion to the sympathetic nervous system. We are now ready to run or fight for our lives. In this mode, we do not need non-essential body functions like the immune system, digestion system. You can read more about it here. But if we have caused this response to fire, guess what happens to our pain? It can increase because the regulatory systems that can sometimes control (or at least mask) pain have been switched off. And so then what happens? You have pain and you say “See, I told you so!” (refer to an excellent book by Dr Lissa Rankin, Mind over Medicine).

I am often motivated to do (or not do) something from fear. Fear of failure, fear of hurting someone’s feelings, fear of not being liked, fear of pain, and fear of being vulnerable.  For me, overcoming this fear has been a critical component on my self pain management journey. So here is my 3 step process to overcoming fear. For the purposes of this, we will use the example that fear is holding you back from changing a habit. For example, we will say you are afraid to start a new exercise program.

Identify.

You need to be pretty honest with yourself, if you are to identify the factors that hold you back from making a change/commitment. You might hear yourself saying things such as “I’m afraid I will injure myself and cause more problems” or “I’m afraid I can’t commit to doing anything properly”. So the fear may be resulting from past experiences and long held beliefs about yourself and your capabilities. These can be based around INJURY and FAILURE. For me, I would often flare my pain after playing netball when I was younger. I had to give it up in the end because of the way I approached the game (no warm up and relentlessly throwing my body around). You can read more about that decision here. After this, my fear morphed into “If I do any exercise it will flare up my back. This was a totally untrue statement but based on my prior experience and my deep desire to avoid pain, this became my reality. A fear of failure will result in you never starting something new. I have now figured out that by starting small and pacing up activities (read more about pacing here), I realised it is possible and achievable to get moving again. This approach also means you are less likely to fail because small increments are based on your current capabilities. Also, once you do start to move and get stronger, more flexible, you gain confidence and your motivation increases and you just, well, keep going. To identify fear as a motivator you need to be self aware and truthful with yourself.

Investigate.

We always immediately block or run from fear (that’s the fight or flight response kicking in). But it can be very helpful to confront your fears. In fact, don't just confront them, invite them in for a cuppa and get to know them better. What are these fears based on? Are they realistic? Is this something you have always just told yourself? Does it have grounding in fact/reality? Could this fear be a result of cultural/society influences? A question that I often use to investigate my fears can be as simple as “Is this true?” If the answer could be no, then I look at some of the alternatives. So using the fear of exercise example, is it true I will injury myself? No, not if I undertake the activity in the correct way and this may lead to me enjoying it, continually improving with a long term benefit of increased strength/flexibility. Such investigative thinking can be like drawing up a list of pros and cons. What are the reasons for doing something and what is holding me back? If it is fear holding you back, then you need to work through it, question it and make a strong choice based on these pros/cons.

Challenge.

You may have seen various challenges online. For example, loose weight in 6b weeks or a 10 week improve your love life challenge. Do you know why these work? If you give yourself a challenge and you stick to it, the chances are you may have come close to kicking a bad habit. By replacing a habit with a more helpful one (even though you were initially scared to try it) you will be achieving a massive milestone and motivating force to continue. And you will see the benefits too. But don't be afraid to get some help! Maybe make your commitment to overcoming fear accountable by telling a friend or loved one you are going to try something new. Maybe even just the discussion about the fact you are scared will be enough to get you up off the couch and into something new. An you know what, if we were all honest with each other, there is probably heaps of things we do/don’t do a result a result of fear. So, you may just get an interesting response from a friend...”Really? Me too!”.

I would love to know your thoughts? Are you sometimes held back by fear? With regards to your pain, what are you most afraid of? Is it true/realistic/likely? How do you overcome fear?

Here are some motivational quotes and interesting reads based on fear/excuses.

Don’t let a fear of failure hold you back from starting.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky

"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" Vincent van Gogh

Do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. – Desiderata by Max Ehrman

 

Some additional good references about fear and its impact:

http://www.chronicpainandlife.com/blog/the-yeah-but

http://www.copyblogger.com/f-e-a-r/

 

Pacing - the basics

Helpful versus unhelpful thoughts

What is your experience?

Holistic diagnostics

So, we got some new tyres recently. The old ones were very bald and worn. My curious daughter, on seeing these new ones, asked me how they worked. I started to explain about tread and axels and then I realised firstly, I don't really know much about how cars work and secondly, the tyres form a single part of a very complex machine.

It brought me back to the concept of focus. When we have an ongoing problem or injury, that area becomes the focus of our pain. For me, it's my back. Over time, I have had all sorts of X-rays, MRIs, scans, specialists, poking and prodding. I was searching for a cure or a reason so that I could just "get it fixed" thus solving my pain problem. But rarely did anyone look at my how my whole body was functioning (physically, emotionally, psychologically).

Thinking back to the car analogy, if my body was a car, then let's assume I have a panel that is all smashed up (my spine). I wanted desperately to take myself off to the mechanic and get that panel repaired. They could bang out the dints and give it a new spray paint, job done! Right?

But will my car go on to then run at it's optimum...?
What about the black smoke coming from the exhaust (unhelpful thoughts/mindset)?
What about the fact I'm giving the car unleaded fuel instead of diesel (poor diet)?
What about my brake pads that are worn and useless (not pacing my daily activities and overdoing it)?
What about the sticky clutch which is stiff from lack of use (inconsistent stretching or strength exercise program)?

 "

The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts - Aristotle

"

For the most effective tune up, we need to be looking at the whole body. I believe it would be very helpful to have a holistic diagnostic of where a person is at on their wellness journey. Not a single snapshot in time of what can be a very complex pain problem. I realise that it is difficult to look at all the aspects affecting a person's condition in a single 10 minute consultation. So, what is the solution? I have been playing around with designing a pre-visit holistic wellness survey that could be used to identify a "whole of body" approach to the management of chronic pain.

If you are interested, please let me know.