I have always placed some very high expectations on myself.
When I began Take Hold of Pain
(THoP), I had grand dreams. After spending so many years struggling and
suffering with chronic pain, I was passionate about helping others avoid
suffering. I often would model my dreams on what I saw other amazing wellness entrepreneurs
doing online. I wanted to have that too. In my first year of developing the THoP
project, I pursued speaking, writing, coaching, learning, teaching and
podcasting. I usually only managed to find about half a day a week to work on all
this stuff! So, it doesn’t take an Einstein to figure out, it was all a bit
much. Add to that, I had some major changes and challenges on the homefront. Towards
the end of last year, I felt a major crash was heading my way. The warning
signs were there. I was neglecting my self-management strategies, pain was
rising, I was often tired and unwell...I needed to stop. I needed to take some
time out and focus on me. So, I stepped back and I put many things on hold
including my business. This gave me some space to pause, look around and re-assess
what I really wanted.
Taking this break, these past few months have taught me some
important lessons.
#1. Knowing what
makes me happy. Taking a break gave me the time and space to realise what I
love doing. I love spending time with my family. I love preparing healthy meals
and treats. I do love cleaning and de-cluttering (well, maybe not the actual
process but definitely the results of my labours!). When I was working and
trying to juggle my many roles, I was neglecting the things I loved doing. The
messy, disorganised house led to the frazzled, overwhelmed and irritable mum. A
lengthy to-do list replaced easy-going, spontaneous fun times I enjoyed with
the kids. The lack of healthy food and snacks led to the return of packets and
processed “easy” meals. All of these things led to a decline in my health and
subsequently a decline in my overall mental wellbeing.
Being the fun mum makes me happy. I had become a busy
stressed mum and let me tell you, she’s no fun at all. She gets angry at little
things. She yells. The fun mum takes the time to walk in the rain, dance around
to daggy 90s music, to potter in the garden or just take a cuppa into the
sunshine. She’s the one I like and she’s the one my family needs. Knowing what
makes me happy has made it easier to prioritise. I want to do many things but
the important ones, those that come first, are those that make me happy.
#2. It’s ok to go
slow. When deciding to take a break, I did some soul searching. Who was I
doing this for? Was I trying to prove something? I knew I wanted to help others
experiencing pain and health challenges but I wasn’t willing to do it at the
expense of my own. I needed to put my own health and that of my family first. I was really worried that taking a break would
be considered unprofessional. I was scared of loosing those few followers with
whom I had started to build a connection. Despite being unsure I also knew I needed
to refine my workload. I had too much on my plate and some things had to go.
But I learnt that it’s ok to do that. It’s ok to put myself first. In fact,
sometimes, it’s necessary, especially when you have to live with chronic pain.
If you don’t, if you continually put others first or chase that big career goal
or whatever it might be, things can get worse. And I have been down in that
hole (see my blog on darkest days). I am not going back there.
Everyone’s journey is different. When we compare to others,
we convince ourselves their life is easy, a clear path to the top without
problems. In reality, most people have a tough slog. I think I convince myself
that other people have had these overnight successes. People who are
successful, fulfilled, have optimum health or happy usually had a hard slog to
get to that place. It would have involved countless hours of self exploration,
refinement and experiences and yes, I am sure they have had their failures
along the way too. It was more likely a slow progression, interspersed with a
few setbacks. Most importantly was how they responded to those set backs. Asking
themselves “How will I go on? How will I manage? What have I learnt do
differently?” So this led me to ask myself, if I let go of all that comparison
and accepted where I am on my own journey right now, if I focused on where I am
today, then the important question, for me, is...what do I need to do today
that helps me achieve my goals and aligns with what is important to me? And if
the answer is, do nothing, then that’s ok. Tomorrow the answer might be
different but I need to just focus on what is important right now.
Going slow is also a concept I am passionate about because,
in essence, this is what pacing is all about. I love pacing.
I love how it can get you started on your goals, it can get you through simple
daily tasks and it can help minimise flare ups and prevent overdoing it. Don’t
worry, I will talk more about pacing soon because...well (spoiler alert) I am
writing a book all about it!
#3. Celebrate where
you are. I have come a long way from the crying mess on the floor 7 years
ago. Then, I was depressed, withdrawn and without hope. These days, I am more
mindful, I don’t dwell on unhelpful thoughts (well, rarely!) and I don’t let
these thoughts snowball
out of control. I have a busy life with two young kids aged 8 and 4 and a
husband who runs his own business. I volunteer at school, I bake and cook many things
from scratch using wholefoods, I also teach and share my story with others.
Hey, I think I need to cut myself a break. I do plenty. I am enough. Why is it
always so tough for us to recognise and acknowledge that we are enough? We are all
doing a good job. We don’t need to always be striving and searching and wanting
more. Here and now is fine.
As a part of all this, I think taking a break also made me
become more aware of what I can do and what I cannot do. I have learnt to
negotiate that fine line between managing and falling in a heap - my tipping
point. So as a result, recently I wrote up my 2016 goals and plans for my THoP project
and then compared this with my current commitments (working part time for the
family business, my volunteer commitments, the family sporting and leisure
schedules) and guess what, they don’t align. I know that too much pressure
would result from trying to achieve these two parts of my life. I have a
daughter in her last year before school, I need to cherish and nurture her this
year. I have a son bravely figuring out who he is and where he fits into the
world. I want to be there for them and be that fun mum. I need to be realistic.
So this year, there won’t be that much coming from me. I want to enjoy my
family time and when there is space and time, I want to write and teach and
continue sharing my story. But, I need to go slow, look after myself and enjoy the
ride.
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| Here are my lovelies, these are the ones who make me happy. I love this photo too because you can tell here, I am the fun mum! |
