Unhealthy attachments to pain

I recently decided to come up with a daily affirmation. I designed it to be something that was going to get me into the right frame of mind to tackle the day ahead. I wanted it to be strong and I wanted it to be a positive statement about the kind of person I want to be. So here it is:

“I self manage my chronic pain. I am a wife and a mum and I honour and respect my connections (with my family and friends, with my community and to my environment). I consciously accept the things I cannot change with a non-judgemental awareness of my reaction to these situations. I am practicing to let it go”

This is now what I say to myself each morning. It has made me think about attachment. I think much of my frustration is born from my attachment to things I cannot change. For example, I get frustrated at silly little things that have already happened like spillages or accidents (when you have two little ones in the house, these kinds of things happen all the time!) I have little control over them and once they have happened there is no real point getting too annoyed. Yes, I realise there are learning opportunities and discipline to be determined but I need to let go and move on.

It can be the same with pain. I used to have unhealthy attachments around pain. These attachments (when fiercely clung to) can really hold you back when attempting to self manage chronic pain. I thought it might be useful to highlight a few of these negative attachments.

Emotional: I often harboured an emotional attachment to my pain. I cycled through many different emotions but all involved a strong feeling, often a negative, draining, stressful emotion and these were not helpful for my pain or for achieving my goals. ANGER. I would often get angry when pain reared its ugly head. I was angry for needing to change my plans or angry at my own poor reaction to pain or just angry that I was lumped with this situation. DENIAL. I think this is a common emotional reaction to chronic pain. Ignore it and it will go away? Um, no chance! But I would allow myself to be fooled that I was doing ok, I didn’t have a pain problem. In doing so, I would ignore my physical limitations; push beyond my thresholds and, in the process, further increase my pain. GUILT. This was a huge one for me. I often would feel guilty about needing help because I felt I was being a burden on others. Or I would often think I was not up to standard (some unrealistic model of perfection I has set for myself) as a mother, wife or friend. This unrelenting guilt was an emotional burden I carried which further increased my own physical pain.  FEAR. This is the reason that I held myself back from trying new things for so long (such as self pain management techniques or new physical therapies). I was scared of making the situation worse. I already felt out of control and was worried any change would exacerbate the dire situation I had gotten myself into.  Fear held me back for a long time. But once I had made those first initial baby steps, I soon realised my real inner strength.

Ideal of normal: For some reason I had a very unhealthy attachment to the notion of being normal. I was often upset that my back and associated pain made me different and I just wanted to be normal. But what is "normal"? Is there such a person? Some people may not have pain but there is likely some other challenge or issue in their lives. Comparing is not helpful.   

Past pain experiences: These experiences would negatively influence my decision making. A previous flare up from exercise may have prevented me from attempting a new daily exercise program. I was afraid I would have another flare up.  But these experiences were often based on my inaccurate  interpretation of the situation. For example, if I was to go from doing nothing at all to playing a very rough and physical game of netball, I would get a pain flare up. This does not mean that controlled daily stretches is going to flare my pain because this is a totally different approach. Similarly, if I was told to do some exercises by a new practitioner, I would do them for a while then think it was having no impact so I would give up. Therefore, my past experience led me to believe that exercises don’t work. This is just not true. My poor commitment to the exercise was the reason there was not a noticeable improvement!

A magic cure: For much of my journey with chronic pain, I didn’t realise I was being passive. I relinquished my control to another, whether it was a doctor, surgeon, drug or someone else. I was searching outside of myself for a magic pill that would take all my pain away. I had an unhealthy obsession with finding a cure. My situation may never have a cure. I have now accepted chronic pain is something I need to live with. But in doing so, I haven’t continued to be passive, I now take an active role in managing my pain, on a daily basis. 

As you can see there are many emotional attachments to pain and they all can have an unhelpful influence on our pain! Whether it is emotion pain or pain resulting from overdoing it and stress, the bottom line is, attachments to pain are dangerous and unproductive.

I am hoping that explaining some of the attachments I have had you might be able to identify with some of these and realise their negative impact. If you are truly honest with yourself, do you have an unhealthy attachment to pain? Maybe it is time to become aware that you are desperately grasping and clinging to something that cannot be changed.

 

Maybe it is time to LET IT GO (Alright, Frozen fans out there, go on, start singing!)

Making Connections

Since starting this project I have been seeking out other people who actively advocate self managing chronic pain. I have made connections with some strong and inspiring women! I will soon be posting a blog directing you to some of their websites to share their positive messages.

Until then I just wanted to let you know I have written two guest blogposts recently and I wanted to make sure you hade the chance to read them.

I wrote one for Carole Staveley about finding your WHY and more recently, one for Julie Ryan at Counting my Spoons about happiness and how there is no reason to wait to be happy, you can chose to be happy at any moment.

I hope you like them and keep your eye out for my upcoming post on the blogs I am following who promote self management of chronic pain and illness.

If you are a blogger, writing about your experiences with living with chronic pain or illness and have a story to tell, please get in touch with me. I would love to hear from you.

Have a great day!

Communicating with loved ones

I hear and see a lot of pain posts about invisible pain and illness. Often people will say how others don’t understand what they are going through. I was the same. I would paint a happy picture to all those around me. When friends and family asked me how I was doing,  I would say “Yep. I’m fine!” I didn’t want people’s sympathy, so I just fobbed it off and changed the subject quickly. But, over time, I’ve learnt this can be damaging to me in two ways. Firstly, it is just plain hard work to pretend when you are in pain. Secondly, my relationships became strained. My loved ones truly wanted to know how I was doing and if they could help but I shut them out because I thought they just wouldn’t understand.  

I think, especially at this time of year, when we are probably spending a lot of time with our friends and family, I thought I would write a few notes on the importance of communicating when you self manage chronic pain. Here are my top tips:

Tell them. Have some real conversations. If a loved one asks you how you are feeling, it is OK to say “Actually, my pain is bothering me today”.  I often found it hard to describe the pain when I was in it because I think a large proportion of my energy was required to manage the pain.  I didn’t have much strength remaining for a deep and meaningful. But that is not to say you can’t talk about it when you are feeling a bit better. Perhaps it might be easier to describe your pain and its impact on your life on paper, in a short film or poem.  But, whatever your mode of communication, I believe it is important to tell your nearest and dearest what it is like for you. They may not be able to empathise as they haven’t felt that way before but they can try if they know what it is like. If you keep saying you are fine then they never get the chance at understanding what you are truly going through.

Ask for help: My loved ones were often offering help to me. They do this because they care and they don’t want to see me suffering. So I have found that once I learnt what works best for me when in pain, I needed to tell them too. I had my loved ones spend the day with me during the pain management course and we went through, together, the activities and techniques that would form my new bag of tricks when managing pain. I also set up a few new rules. As a self pain manager, I said I would ask THEM for help when I needed it.  I also went through my new pain management strategies because when I was struggling I wanted to be sure they were going to offer me real effective solutions. I didn’t want to be mollycoddled . I didn’t want them to suggest I go have a lie down. Now, they tell me to go for a walk or do some stretches because we all know this is what works for me.

Be prepared: I just think it’s good to have a few pre-prepared comments ready for the common situations you may experience. So if the offer of help/query about how you are feeling is made, be sure to be accurate in the answer and give appropriate direction as to how that person can actually help you. My favourite goes along the lines of “My pain is bothering me, would you mind if you (...do this...) so that I can (...do this...)”. For example, here is a common one for me, I am out at a social function and chatting away happily with someone. But sitting and standing for long periods are often recipes for a flare up. So I might say after a few minutes “Do you mind if we sit and keep talking because my pain is bothering me as I have been standing up for a while now?” Or something along those lines. So I always have a few phrases ready and I make sure they are clear, calmly delivered and, above all else, helpful to me in that exact moment.

Get a tribe behind you. I recently attended a pain management support group social event. There was a lot of comparing treatments, specialists, pain conditions. I sat back and listened and tried to ascertain if this was a beneficial exercise. Sure, it is nice to know others are out there in similar situations. For some, this can help to realise that many of the reactions to pain and how it affects your life are universal. You feel less alone.  But, I was concerned because there was very  little suggestions of alternative solutions, techniques within a person’s control to deal with their pain. Since starting this project, I have connected with a number of like minded individuals who believe in the power of self management. This is a great supportive network to be around. When I am feeling low on motivation or struggling with some aspect of my journey, this tribe builds me up and gets me back on purpose. That, to me, is much more helpful than having a pity party. If you focus on the negative, then maybe that is all you will see?

So, it is New Years Day, have you got a resolution in mind? I saw one thing that I thought really true about living with chronic pain. Focus on the things you CAN do. You can have conversations, you can ask for help and you can be a part of a supportive network. What are you going to do?

Finding out what is the best movement for me

I loved playing netball. I represented my region and much of my time was taken up with practice or tournaments during my teenage years. I was the one who went in hard, threw myself around, no fear and some would even say, a little bit crazy (as you can see!).  But in early 2000, I was playing mixed netball at a fairly high competitive level. It was excellent fun. I played with my husband and a bunch of good friends. We were all carefree, late twenties and believed we didn’t need to train or stretch or prepare for games. We would fly in at last minute, throw on our uniform then hit the court. After running full tilt for an hour long game, we would then just stop and stand around and chat or go for a drink. My body could not cope. Almost weekly I was in a bad way the following day. Surprisingly, I never felt pain during or straight after the game, but it was always the next day, ouch! I was pretty renowned for saying “Ooh that’s gonna hurt tomorrow!”

One day after a particularly bad flare up, my husband politely suggested maybe it’s time to stop. He was brave enough to even suggest that netball just wasn’t good for me long term. Maybe it was partially the way I played (speed: go or stop) but also I just wasn’t coping with the pain that resulted. So I stopped playing. It nearly killed me because I still went and watched. It was hard because from the sidelines you always firmly believe you could surely have done that better, made that intercept. But I sadly said goodbye to the game I loved.

So, I worked out that netball was no longer the sport for me. I know now that I am better off doing something I enjoy that is not quite so rigorous (dangerous!) and something that strengthens my body in a functional way (yoga, walking, etc.).

Recently I have been giving CrossFit a trial. I love the energy and the people were all very friendly.  It is functional movements with lots of squats and chin ups and using weights to power up the legs and arms while focusing on core stability. The sessions are a lot of fun. But I was pulling up very sore and stiff. I was constantly explaining to the coaches that my approach is to start slow and build up. And I know this because I have figured out this works for me after the past 6 years of self managing my pain. But that is not really the philosophy I found behind CrossFit. They want you to go hard and push beyond your limits and try to go heavier and faster and…well I am just not sure about it.

So I am quite torn now. I cannot decide if I am going to keep it up or not. I feel a bit like a failure if I stop going (hence the reminiscing about giving up my beloved netball) but at the same time I am a big advocate for listening to your body. I have limitations and I need to be aware of them and not push beyond these limits. So it has got me thinking maybe I would be better off using function movement techniques myself in the outdoors, with the kids, in relaxed settings. There are so many opportunities for exercise in my day-to-day living. For example, yesterday I helped my husband in the garden and I was transporting some compost to him in a small bucket (~10kg). Anyway after about 5 loads I was exhausted but happy. I realized that this was exercise (and a darn good version of it). I was combining a job that needed to be done with functional movement that would help me to become stronger and fitter. I realized as I was carting these buckets that I can do a similar thing to the functional movements within CrossFit while getting some necessary tasks done. No need to stress about finding time to go to a class, no need to stress that I haven’t had time to help in the garden, no need to stress about getting the kids minded so I can exercise. I can do everything if I am clever and I plan my days to include exercise opportunities. I often do a walk everyday around my neighbourhood. It’s pretty hilly where I live. So I made a decision to walk in a different way to increase my endurance and strength. Every time I hit the bottom of a hill I turned around and power walked back up for 10 seconds. This is a perfect example of finding some strength training in a simple daily task. And next time I take the kinds to the park…watch out! I will be on those monkey bars attempting a chin up and doing my squats while they play. All sorted!

So, I would love your feedback…Stick with the tough training or find opportunities for functional movement?…How do you find the best movement for you? What is the best approach for long term adherence to exercise? Does it really matter if you chop and change your routine? Can you just try new sports or activities and not continue with them. Isn’t it just great to be out there and be doing something? Let me know what you think??!

If you have liked this post or know someone that might appreciate it's message, please feel free to share...sharing is caring! 

How I got rid of my psoriasis without drugs or potions!

I have had a very bad flare up of scalp psoriasis since about February this year. Having never had it before I found the condition to be quite debilitating. I felt horrible with such flaky skin and I was constantly wearing a hat to hide the dandruff-like appearance of my hair. It was my second flare (last November was the first one) but this time I was decided to take a difference approach. The first time I followed the dogma and went to my GP who sent me to a dermatologist, who prescribed cortisone creams and other drugs and it went away...for a while.  



This time I did a bit of my own research. I had never been diagnosed with eczema or psoriasis before. I really wanted to know how and why it would just appear. So I read up about the gut brain connection and auto immune disorders. I decided I was going to trial following the Auto Immune protocol. What is that? It is a way of cutting out all possible inflammatory food products from your diet then slowly re-introducing them. It’s better to read up on it from the experts such as The Paleo Mom, Mickey Trescott or (a similar approach) the Wahls Protocol. A basic summary is that auto immune diseases are linked to a leaky gut. This just means you have holes in your digestive system causing things to leak out and this can cause inflammation. But you are better off reading the real science behind it from these experts. (I’ve just listened to a great interview with Dr Sarah Ballantyne, The Paleo Mom, on one of my (many) favourite podcasts – if that is more your thing!)

So, I stopped eating grains, dairy, nuts, seeds, eggs and plants from the nightshade family (tomatoes, potatoes and paprika among others). I just went cold turkey from day 1 although I was already near 100% gluten free and had trialled dairy free in the past. It also means no processed food, artificial colours, flavours, chemicals. It is pretty hard work because everything you eat needs to be made from scratch but its REAL food.



The protocols and recommendations all say that you need to exclude everything to give your gut the chance to heal and repair (plug up those leaky holes!) I worked out within the first few days there were three main things I was going to struggle with. Coffee, alcohol and chocolate. Yes, I know, it’s not very good. But I was subscribing a little to the theory that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself and I was also doing this protocol at the same time as I was starting my first pain management course so I didn’t want to put myself under too much stress and pressure! I thought that surely a small compromise could be made if I didn’t appear to have any adverse symptoms by keeping it in my diet and also by allowing myself a small “cheat”/”reward” maybe I was going to be more likely to stick to the rest of the exclusions. So, sadly, I did continue to have a daily coffee – predominantly with soy. And I did eat a bit of dark chocolate...and some days, I struggle around dinner time with dealing with pain and tiredness and...well, I just like a glass of wine.  But let me make it clear this is NOT the recommendation, it was how I dealt with it at the time.

Some other things may have creeped in there inadvertently as I progressed. Eating out was a problem (near impossible) and so I would just to go with the flow sometimes resulting in being a little slack on following the protocol. But mostly I did eat at home, made everything myself and was pretty good (I thought) at sticking with it.



I'm afraid I don't have a before picture -
but trust me you wouldn't have wanted to see it!
But here is me checking my scalp and
enjoying my healthy, shiny (flake-free) locks!

Now for the good news...I have been following the above approach for over 8 weeks now and I am feeling really energised and happy. I am not craving sugary foods or even really missing the foods I am not supposed to eat. I am just enjoying the lovely fresh healthy nutrient dense foods I can eat.  I have slowly started to re-introduce foods and don’t seem to be having much reaction to eggs, nuts or seeds and am being a bit more open with the alternative grains but being consistent with wheat/dairy free and sticking to a nutrient-dense wholefoods approach.  

And as for the psoriasis, my skin is alot less dry, it is even become more supple (I am also daily applying coconut oil to my skin). My scalp isn’t flaking away and my hair is looking healthy so I believe it is going, going, gone!? So for those of you out there with an auto immune disease, maybe do a little research and give something a try, what’s holding you back...? The results could be amazing! I am expecting (hoping) to receive a barrage of questions now so please, fire away....

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” ― Hippocrates

Attack of the munchies

After doing the #sugarfreeseptember challenge (no refined sugar for 30 days) a friend asked for a few kid friendly healthy snacks. Although I suspect that his enquiry might be more likely for him to get through those mid morning munchies at the office (am I right, Jay?)

So here are a few ideas but I am saying straight up this important thing I have learned:

You WILL NOT NEED a snack if you have nutrient-dense healthy main meals. Let’s take breakfast. Before I ditched grains from my diet, I was most days having toast or cereal. These breakfasts do have you reaching for a snack by 10.30am. I found that once I switched to green smoothies (or more recently meat and vegetables - predominantly dinner leftovers), I rarely even thought about a snack until well past 12 noon. The dense nutrient rich smoothies with their combination of dark leafy greens and fruit with little boosts of extra fats from seeds or other superfoods are SO super satiating that I recommend a change of breakfast before even worrying about snacks...but still that's a big leap for some people, so I will include a list here of my favourite (mostly kid friendly) snacks that are pretty easy to prepare.

Trail mix: This is a fairly easy one to get you through those energy dips mid morning. I like to make up my own with my favourite combinations of nuts, seeds and dried fruit. But the best cheeky add in to any trail mix is some dark chocolate pieces (and we are talking about the good stuff – 70% cacao or above!) That way you are less likely to spill the entire contents on your desk and hunt down every piece and gobble it up. Dark chocolate has a quick “I’m over it now” point.

Nut balls: These are also super easy to whip up if you have a high powered blender. Essentially these are just a combination of nuts and dates and some flavouring. My favourite recipe is the Changing Habits chocolate nut balls. You can substitute dried apricots for the dates, substitute other nuts and play around with what you roll them in (e.g. coconut, goji berries, cacao, sesame seeds). I have found with my kids, they are a bit more likely to eat them if I reduce the cacao flavour by using half cocoa/half cacao.

Pikelets/Pancakes: My kids love pancakes and this is our Saturday morning ritual. We mostly go for the River Cottage recipe when it has to be floppy pancakes (ones they can roll up with lemon and sugar). We use GF flour with these ones. But I find a good afternoon snack is pikelets that you have with some jam and cream (coconut cream based or dairy). I love this recipe from Elana’s Pantry.

Chocolate bread: Well, to be honest it isn’t even chocolate but it is a dark brown colour and my daughter always refers to it as chocolate bread so I have been hesitant to correct her since she gobbles it up. This is a favourite of mine too because all the ingredients go in blender then you pour it into a baking tray and you’re done. I can do this on a school morning...although the almond butter does mean it is not appropriate if you are in a nut-free school. It works with coconut butter substituted though. Its actually Elana’s pantry paleo breakfast bread but I reckon our name is more fun!

Crudités and dip: I actually don’t know what crudités mean but I read it once and I loved the name. Essentially its just cut up vegies and dip. Carrots. Snow peas. Cucumber. Its really easy to prepare and you could start off with some store bought dips but hummus is super easy to make. Here is a really yummy beetroot hummus and as I have been recently on the AIP diet I have been boosting the organ meats and this is very nice to have as a dip – if pate is your thing! A healthy cracker alternative (grain free) is these plantain crackers (I eat far too many of these at the moment!).

Fruit straps/chips: I got this idea online – search for fruit leathers. My kids are always asking for these and they are pretty easy. It’s basically mushing up some fruit and then laying it out flat on some baking paper and then slow cooking in a low oven for a few hours. It took me a while to get the hang of it because the thickness of the fruit mix is pretty important.

I love to experiment so there are ways to use your normal favourites but make them with a slightly healthier slant. For example:

• Substitute sugar for other sweeteners such as rapadura sugar, dates, honey or home made golden syrup.
• Substitute flour for gluten free flour or another type of non-wheat based flour.
• Substitute butter for coconut oil.

Best of luck and hope that helps!

 

Free Pass

I’ve been feeling crappy. My daughter has been sick and I think I might have caught her bug. But still, I dragged myself out the other day and visited my new chiropractor. I told him I felt sick with a headache, body aches and that my youngest was sick with a bad cold. He said it was the perfect time to visit him! Huh? He is really good at explaining stuff to me. It may be because I am new and I gave him the heads up I was a bit sceptical. I have some serious hardware in my spine so I was nervous and expressed my reservations. But he has been very open and descriptive. He explained to me that when your nervous system is not firing at its optimum, it is hard for your immune system to do what it needs to do (heal!). Your body has an innate capacity to heal itself but for this to happen, the message channels in your central nervous system need to be working properly. Another interesting thing he told me was that your body puts a specific amount of energy into healing. This may cover my day to day aches associated with my chronic back pain. But when inflammation, viruses or other sickness attack, this innate healing needs to be diverted to the “emergency” situation. There is no leftover energy for masking any ongoing pain. So it made sense that I had a bug and I had a pain flare at the same time. I really wanted to just check out and give my body the time to heal itself. I needed to rest. It reminded me of something....

When my daughter was younger we were often trialling new bedtime routines (Ummm, she is nearly 7 and we still haven’t found one that works!). She has always been a night owl and never seems tired when it is bedtime. So for a while there, we would read her a story, do the teeth, toilet and all that stuff, tuck her in and say goodnight...then we gave her this strict rule. If there was some very necessary (borderline emergency) reason then she could come out and talk to us. We called this a free pass. Then she was supposed to stay in her bedroom after that and go to sleep. Anyway, it worked for a while....

So it comes back to how I was feeling yesterday, in pain and on verge of tears. This situation could have become worse if I had have let my thoughts get out of control, continue with blame and guilt and feeling bad about myself. But I took myself out for a walk and cleared my head. On my walk, I recalled the “free pass” rule. There will be days when I don’t feel crash hot. That’s true for everyone whether you have chronic pain or not. So I decided it would be OK to allow myself a free pass every now and then. I needed to just breathe, ditch the stress, give in to the need to re-charge. So, I gave myself a free pass. I had a PJ day, complete with nana nap and movie!

Obviously free passes are for borderline emergency purposes....so not to be used too often. My body was telling me something and I had to listen. I also acknowledged that after this “free pass” I need to still be committed to returning to my self pain management routines….but that’s tomorrow.